


Lesson 3: Love

by sandorara



Series: Students of Light [3]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Misunderstandings, Self-Indulgent, Teacher-Student Relationship, actual hints at plot, both are consenting adults, lore bending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-04-08 06:56:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19102000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandorara/pseuds/sandorara
Summary: For G'yozah, good sex was an easy, fun routine. Falling properly head over heels in love with a professor - not so much.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And here begins the first shippy fic of this series. \o/ If you have read any of my previous, canonverse fic about G'yozah and X'rhun, welcome to this re-imagining of how that could happen in a modern setting. If not-- also welcome!! I love X'rhun and I love my catboy and I love them together, so I walk the self indulgent path.
> 
> This third part of mine and betsib's modern eorzea uni au will finally take some proper steps in towards our long, overarching plot, and if this is the first one you clicked on I do recommend reading part 1 and 2 despite the lack of NPC romance. Things will make more sense. Saying that though -- I'm also proud to say this is a quite self contained package.
> 
> I'd also love to hear your thoughts on my interpretation of X'rhun in this world!

The bright red stood out like a sore thumb in the grey hallway, filled with students mostly dressed in black or various shades of grey. Or, maybe more like a warning sign showing up out of nowhere in the middle of a street, the way it suddenly demanded G’yozah’s attention. His hand stopped the scribbling on the form in front of him as he stared.

It was a somewhat older Miqo’te man, with wavy, quite messy, light — so light it was almost silver — hair and strong features, making him look almost... _grumpy_. This, of course, G’yozah only had the chance to notice after his eyes had travelled up along the red, so damn red, sort of retro suit the man was wearing. It was certainly different, but it made it all the easier to notice how well it fit the man, —and he was wearing a _waistcoat_ and a _bowtie_. Damn.

Then, just as he was passing by, G’yozah noticed the bright, very light blue eyes hiding behind a pair of round glasses. Wow.

And then the student office clerk in front of him coughed and he was returned to his current situation. The form. Yes. Credits. He’d been _gaping_.

Sneaking one last glance to the side, he managed to catch the back of the man, including his long, flowy, white tail.

”Who was that?,” he asked, turning back to the clerk again.

”That would have been Professor X’rhun Tia." The clerk's judgemental tone of voice left nothing unclear, but G'yozah didn't care one bit.

"I'll take whatever he teaches. That should sort it."

"Mr Tia, I'm not sure that would, your curriculum—"

"Which one is it?" He grinned at her and twitched his ears in that way he knew no middle aged lady could resist. It worked.

"Magical beliefs and traditions in the early astral eras, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 2pm starting next week," she said with a sigh.

"Magic!," G'yozah exclaimed, as he easily located the course on the form and ticked it in. "Well that solves it, right? I'll get enough credits?"

"Yes, Mr. Tia," she said with another sigh as he handed her the form.

"Perfect, thanks for the help!"

He quickly stepped out of the small student office corner, wondering whether he'd be able to catch another glimpse of the man if he hurried. Nah.

He'd just have to wait a few days for the course to start. Turning in the other direction, he headed back towards the dorms with a smile on his face.

 

***

He found T’oast’s legs dangling down from his bed as he entered their shared room. Unable to resist the urge, he reached out and pulled on one of them in greeting before sitting down on his own bunk. He was greeted back with a kick.

"I met this hot, red guy today. Or well, saw."

"Red?" came T’oast’s voice from above him.

"Yeah, you know I went to get my courses sorted, right? Because I was somehow weirdly missing one. And this guy walked past me— It’s not like I was looking but he was dressed in bright red, so my eyes just went there. He had really light hair. Hot as heck."

He heard some shuffling, and then T’oast’s face appeared over the edge of the bed above him.

"Wait, you mean the fencing teacher? X'rhun? Isn’t he like… at least 40?"

X’rhun. Right, that was what the student office clerk had called him. Fencing.

"Maybe, so?," he shot back up at his roommate, already looking forward to next Tuesday a lot.

T’oast leaned back again, disappearing from view with a resigned "Oookay then, fair enough".

"That's not exactly old is it?,” G’yozah continued. ”I've fucked much older men than that. And boy he looked so good…"

"...Sure, he's handsome, I guess."

"Right?? I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I'm taking his class."

"Huh, I thought he was teaching history, not economics.”

”He _is_ teaching history. I needed extra credits and he walked into my life. Or well. Past me. But you know.” G’yozah grinned up at T’oast, whose face had again emerged outside the bed frame. T’oast rolled his eyes.

"Well, good luck, I guess. He seems nice enough."

"Really? That's good. Oh yeah wait, fencing club. That means you've talked to him, what's he like? Any tips on how I’ll get into his bed?"

T’oast let out a snort at that. ”You’re on your own with that. Mostly he's been telling me to keep my back straight.”

G’yozah hummed. ”Is he a good teacher? Maybe I should take up fencing—"

"Maybe you should actually, might fit you better than it does me.” T’oast, always so humble.

"I'll consider it. That means he must be pretty fit under that suit though..." He trailed off, replaying the earlier moment in his head until he was cut off by T’oast speaking.

"I mean— I’ve mostly seen him in fancy fencing gear, but he moves pretty well.”

Actually. A physical club activity could be good. He’d not been doing any since he quit boxing classes. After… sleeping with the teacher. Who was 54.

"I'm joining."

Eventually, at least.

 

***

It was a different suit this time. Still red, but a little more muted. The cut was different too. G'yozah wondered whether the professor always wore red, or whether it was a coincidence. Regardless, he looked good in it.

He was talking, and though G'yozah was listening, none of the words really registered. The topic sounded fairly interesting, —weird, but interesting —but G'yozah found the _way_ the professor talked about it just that more intriguing.

His voice was warm, excited and so obviously passionate about the subject of the lecture. Sometimes he'd point at projected pictures and diagrams and smile in a way that made his face light up, and then quickly, as if he realised a mistake, return to the near frown that seemed to otherwise cover his handsome face near permanently.

It made G'yozah wonder what made that happen, and soon he found himself actually listening and taking notes.

“And that’s all for today, I look forward to seeing you all again on Thursday,” the Professor said, and G’yozah realised the lecture had passed much quicker than he expected. As everyone started packing up, the Professor continued:

“I would also like to remind you all of the Fencing club I run on Wednesday evenings, we do have quite a few spots open if anyone is interested.”

G’yozah resisted the urge to just stand up and say “Yes, I’d love to, let me join;” _because I want to see as much of you as possible._ He didn’t say anything, but he lingered a little, watching the Professor pack up his own items before leaving.

Man. How was he so hot?

 

***

It seemed the Professor was the only one with his name, or, at least he was the only one that showed up through a quick Gubal search. An academic CV, one grainy picture from some talk, and a couple of surprisingly negative reviews of things he had written made up the majority of the results.

G'yozah looked up over the edge of his laptop screen, comparing the real, live version with what he had on his screen. Well, it wasn't much to compare, the graininess of the picture made the battle end very quickly in the real deal's favour. Especially with how unfairly good today's combination of a _black_ suit jacket with a bright red shirt looked.

Scrolling further told him that the Professor had worked at most universities in Eorzea, for varying lengths of time. It also told him that he was a graduate of the University of Ala Mhigo, making G'yozah wonder if he was actually from there, or whether he'd just gone there to study. G'yozah smiled, thinking he should go find those articles he'd written some day.

Stopping the browsing, he turned his concentration back to the lecture at hand, listening to the stories and legends of Amdapor, told in Professor X'rhun's kind of soft, warm and so obviously inspired voice. And staring. So much staring.

And so again, the lecture passed almost in an instant. It was almost odd, he’d never minded his economics classes particularly, they were interesting enough and they served a purpose. Of course, some lecturers were more boring than others but— This was on a whole other level. It didn’t feel like a chore at all. Perhaps that was because it was all so new, but either way, he wanted to explore this curiosity. _Both_ for the hot teacher and the content.

He packed up his things, and followed the other students towards the door, but just in the last minute, he decided to stop and turn around.

“Excuse me, Professor,” he started, stepping further back into the lecture room again, and the professor looked up.

“Yes?,” he asked, and that blue was really damn bright, wasn’t it?

“I’m— This is my first course in this department, so, I was wondering if you’d maybe have any book recommendations if I wanted to read up on some basics?”

The Professor raised an eyebrow for a moment, but then smiled. “Would that be for the general history, or a more, cultural or history of ideas approach?”

“Uhh, general, probably,” G’yozah said and grinned. “This is all, super interesting but I feel I lack the background info. So just— basics.”

Another raised eyebrow, and soft smile. “If you’re not in a hurry, I could bring you a book or two to our next lecture?”

G’yozah grinned again, this time wiggling his ears in joy. “That’d be so helpful, thank you Professor!”

 

***

The cup of coffee in his hand was quickly cooling down, but G’yozah couldn’t bring himself to pull his concentration away from the professor for long enough to take a sip. Even though this shop made good coffee.

Now, G’yozah, of course, absolutely had ulterior motives when he spoke to the Professor about a week earlier, but, he had not even in his wildest dreams imagined such quick developments.

After the previous lecture, the Professor had _called his name_ as people were exiting, and passed him two thick books. They’d been fairly old looking, and clearly well-read, and had several bookmark stickers sticking out of them.

“I marked the areas we’ve talked about so far,” he’d said, with another one of those soft smiles, and G’yozah had blinked and thanked him a lot. ”Entirely my pleasure,” he’d said, and G’yozah had bitten back an inappropriate response.

Today, exactly a week after that exchange, G’yozah had decided to talk to the Professor again, this time asking him if he could explain a little more, or suggest some other book, about these summonings from the Void the Mhach had believed in. Because there had been so many times during that part of the lecture, where the Professor had done that same little thing, where he’d smile excitedly, and then suddenly stop himself.

G’yozah wanted to know why. He’d been expecting to get a simple explanation right then and there, in the classroom. A simple, short conversation, but it’d be another chance to show his interest. Even if the Professor had only suggested another book, that would have meant more talking as he brought it the next time.

Things had started exactly as expected — the Professor had answered G’yozah’s first curious question in simple terms, leaning against his desk. And then suddenly, as G’yozah had been lost in a combination of his words and the way his red shirt was stretched over his chest, he’d suggested it. That if G’yozah had time, maybe they could sit down somewhere for a moment, as he’d love to explain further. G’yozah had never accepted an offer more quickly.

And his enthusiasm about the subject of the course was even more mesmerising up close, when just a small cafe table separated them. Hence, the nearly cold cup of coffee.

”...so while we teach it as beliefs, with maybe only a grain of truth, I—,” the Professor said, pausing for a moment, glancing to the side before continuing. “I believe magic, as it was, played a much larger role in ancient society, and the changes of eras, than we think,”

G’yozah nodded, encouraging the Professor to continue, eyes glued to his face, the way his reading glasses slipped down his nose a little every now and then, and the way his hair framed his face, almost hiding the markings by his eyes.

“So, I would say there is sufficient proof to assume, and so of course research, that the weapons we talk about having brought out the Fifth Umbral Calamity and the end of both Mhach and Amdapor to have been...” The professor’s voice trailed off for a moment, and he frowned, deepening the lines between his eyebrows, and pausing for a moment, almost as if he was doubting whether to finish the sentence. G’yozah nodded again, twice this time, and then he continued. “ _...actual Magic_.”

And maybe, if G’yozah had known any more about the subject, and not been cramming his head with entirely unrelated facts and figures until just a week before, that may have been a laughable statement. But for all G’yozah knew, the professor was only telling him what he knew to be true. There was no reason to doubt him.

“So, _real_ magic, not— You’re saying it really existed?”

“Yes!,” the professor exclaimed, looking back at G’yozah, a smile returning to his lips and his eyes bright, _so bright_ , and G’yozah finally lifted his cup, if only to cover the way he had to gape for a moment. Gape at how insanely attractive the man was. The coffee, however, was cold and disgusting.

“It’s a little, extreme perhaps, but I believe that humans had a way of harnessing energies and, that for example the rituals and summonings we say these people _believed in_ were actually their _truth_. I believe that the great war was a war between two types of, _cultures of magic_ ,”

G’yozah nodded again, feeling like he’d heard that somewhere before after all, and not in the books X’rhun had lent him.

“Those would be what we like to call the _black_ and _white_ traditions, however there are plenty of documents talking about other schools and other beliefs, I’ve not touched on those in the course yet but, one such school would be the _red_ , especially during the Sixth Umbral era, but also later,”

“Red?,” G’yozah asked, again feeling like that sounded weirdly familiar. He’d definitely heard that somewhere before.

“Yes! Well, there are mostly stories, but it is said to have been a combination of the other schools, seeking balance, which leads me to believe the culture of Red Magic, which seems to have been centered around Gyr Abania, grew as a response to whatever happened to Mhach and Amdapor.”

Something in that explanation made it click.

“Wait so, like in that movie? What was it, _The Crimson Saviour_?”

The Professor visibly froze. And then frowned again. G’yozah didn’t like it.

“I… suppose,” he answered, and took a long, slow sip from his drink, which must have been as cold as G’yozah’s. He showed no signs of minding.

“It came up on my tomeflix recommendations some time ago,” G’yozah explained, “I watched it with my roommate, but I honestly don’t remember much. It was based on a book, I think?”

“Yes, it is,” He paused again. “I’ve heard it builds a lot on the same things I research; the author must have done similar research.”

“That’s cool, why are universities still teaching it as myth then? If there’s research and all.”

“Well, I must admit this is, very grassroot research and I can’t say I have much legitimate proof for my theories. Not nearly enough to publish any work, let alone turn over centuries of academia.”

G’yozah hummed. “It sounds perfectly legitimate to me,” he said quickly, putting his cup back down. “Like— if they’ve never been able to determine what ‘weapons of mass destruction’ those cultures used, why couldn’t it have been magic? Not that I understand any of it really but— that’s as logical an explanation as any, isn’t it?”

The professor looked at him for a moment quietly, and then smiled widely. It was beautiful.

“You seem to understand just fine.”

 

***

G'yozah was perhaps not the University Library's most frequent visitor, but he knew his way around it well enough. But this time he didn't go left at the second floor to get to Economics and Current Affairs, no, he stepped further up the stairs, two more floors all the way to the fourth, where an arrow guided him to the right. There, he stopped to look at the sign on the wall.

'History', it read on the top, and then there was a long list of different areas — time periods, geographical regions, topic of research. It was almost a little overwhelming, and he wasn't even sure history was the place to go for this, it felt more niche— _Oh_ , there, a little further down, was first 'Early Astral Eras', and in the other column he found 'History of beliefs'. Scanning the map, he pinpointed the location and headed over.

G’yozah had never been particularly interested in history before this course at all, all his previous knowledge stemmed from basic education and stories he’d been told when he was little. What little he’d been taught in school had not helped him much in this course, but luckily Professor X’rhun was not only extremely hot, but also extremely helpful.

He decided the Professor’s books were enough for the basics, and headed over to that "History of Beliefs" section. Somehow, he had a feeling that was where he would find what he came looking for.

The library had desks with computers every few shelves, and as expected there was one close by. A quick typing of the Professor’s name, and the database results plopped up on the screen. There was one book, and then a whole bunch of articles, published in various historical journals over the years. He took a quick snap of the locations with his tomestone, and headed off to the shelves.

Finding the book was easy, it looked like a usual university press print and like it had barely been opened over the seven years it had already spent on this shelf. "Beyond the word 'Magic' - A study in historical portrayals of traditions and beliefs in the Great Culture of Mhach". Opening it, there was a small black and white photo of the author on the inside, and G'yozah smiled. He looked younger, but that same ever-present frown was still there. His hair must have been a little longer, as it seemed to be swept into a loose ponytail. G'yozah liked it but still — it was the _current_ professor X'rhun that made his knees weak.

The articles took a little longer to locate, being spread out over a multitude of journals. In the end, it didn't seem they had all the ones the catalogue listed, so he picked the ones he did find and gave up eventually. Some of these were a lot more recent, and G'yozah was excited to read them. As he piled up the journals on top of the books, ready to go sign them out he realised it felt like he held a small window into the Professor's mind in his hands. These were the topics and specific subjects that had activated him enough to produce content to be published, these were things he'd spent days — and maybe nights — working on, researching and thinking about.

It felt like maybe, the key to those sad smiles that G'yozah kept noticing, that only made him more curious, could be found somewhere in this pile of content.

And if anything, he was sure this would help him follow the course better, and maybe, give him more chances to speak to the Professor. He saw no reason not to dive down the rabbit hole face first.

So when the librarian checking out his books gave him an odd look he simply grinned at them.

 

***

”Hey T’oast,” G’yozah said, nudging the pile of best friend next to him. T’oast hummed in a slightly annoyed tone. ”D’you understand this sentence?,” he asked, holding out the journal he was reading and pointing at a specific sentence.

T’oast lifted his eyes from his own book and read the sentence what seemed like several times, if the way his eyes drifted back and forth were anything to go by.

”I understand all the words separately,” he said eventually.

”But not together?”

”Not really, no, but I’m no expert on that subject.”

G’yozah sighed. ”Me neither.”

T’oast rolled over onto his side, returning his gaze to his own book, and it made his hair tickle G’yozah’s elbow.

”You probably should’ve started with the basics,” he commented.

”I did get some basics!,” G’yozah explained himself, pointing towards the books X’rhun had lent him on his desk. ”And I did read some. Just— he didn’t write them so it’s not as interesting.”

T’oast hummed and flipped a page. ”Why don’t you ask him then? I thought you were already at the ‘coffee dates’ stage.”

“It wasn’t a date— I mean, I know I said that,” G’yozah said, putting down the journal. ”I guess, I’m just hoping to have more things to talk about if it happens again. Maybe have something smart to ask, maybe, and like, this is actually interesting. Just... hard.”

”If you say so,” T’oast commented, a smile pulling on his lips as he shifted his head closer. And G’yozah realised he’d been stroking T’oast’s hair without noticing.

It was soft, and comforting.

”I do wonder what he’s like in bed though,” he mumbled, and T’oast just groaned dramatically.

 

***


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'll wait at least 3 days", I said, but here I am, two days later. More development and plot incoming! \o/

X’rhun closed the door behind him and half placed, half dropped his bag on the floor before bending down to remove his shoes with a soft sigh. It had been another long day, but somehow it hadn’t felt that way, hours passing quickly over a cup of coffee with one of his students again.

G’yozah.

Why was he showing such a keen interest in the subject anyway? X’rhun had taken a look at his papers after the first time they had spoken, as he’d happily picked out books for him, and with perfectly good grades in economics, — economics and nothing else — why was this G’yozah even taking this course?

He’d heard the talk around campus, of course, he was friendly with most of the staff. But— somehow that still didn’t feel like an adequate explanation. Even disregarding how unlikely it was such a young and attractive man, who clearly could and did have anyone he wanted, would take an interest in an old, odd and dusty professor like X’rhun — his interest in what X’rhun was telling him seemed entirely _genuine_. The way his eyes stayed so focused on X’rhun as he spoke and explained, allowing him to talk about topics most people would shrug at him mentioning. Asked him to tell him more.

X’rhun stepped further into his apartment, dodging the piles of books on the floor as usual, and let himself fall, back flat, onto his bed with another sigh.

It was a little unnerving really. The last time someone had cared about his work— No, this wasn’t actually comparable with that situation. That had been different. But over the last few weeks he had already shared so much that would never make it into an actual curriculum, or even published work. So much that could be used against him. Again. But he’d enjoyed it, enjoyed talking about everything he’d spent the last decades of his life on.

That no one would ever believe.

Except for this G’yozah, it seemed. And X’rhun wasn’t sure why it had been so incredibly easy to tell him in the first place. Just one or two signs of curiosity— And X’rhun had taken the bite.

He shifted on the bed, turning his head to look towards where he, despite the darkness, knew the precious darksteel rapier and crystal medium were resting, protected inside a glass case.

How he wished that he could make it glow again, just like before. Then it would all be easy to prove. Then his theories couldn’t so easily be manipulated into _fiction_.

Funnily enough, he also wished he could show G’yozah.

 

***

G'yozah closed his eyes, just enjoying the feeling of being filled up, hands holding him tightly in place as the hyur he'd found in the Dragonhead thrusted into him. He was good looking, charming and flirtatious, and it hadn't even been G'yozah making the suggestion.

The man groaned against his neck, and G'yozah chuckled, squeezing his insides to make him feel it even more. He was a little taller than G'yozah, very average for a hyur, but it made his body cover G'yozah's almost perfectly.

G'yozah realised, that he was probably very close to the same height as Professor X'rhun, and for just a split moment, he imagined it was the Professor above him instead. A moan escaped his lips at the thought.

"Hmm, enjoy that?," The man asked, and G'yozah wasn't even sure what exactly he meant, but he nodded, hands trailing up into his hair— His hair was white too, not as long, but white, just like the Professor's. He wondered, for another moment, how the Professor's hair would feel in his hands. And how— if he trailed his fingers through it, if he could detangle that cute, constant tousle, the way it swept to the sides—

Another moan, and the hyur chuckled, kissing his neck, trailing down to his chest, to re-angle his thrusts. _Gods, it felt good_ , and G'yozah's back arched as the thrusts sped up. G'yozah kept humming, making noises of appreciation, and letting images of the Professor fill his mind. Not even— Not even sexual images, just, images of him, as he was, as G'yozah had seen him. in his suit, sipping coffee, smiling, his ears doing that small, almost uncertain shifting, his _eyes_ , oh gods _his eyes_.

A hand closed around him, pressing, pumping, and he moaned loudly, his orgasm coming closer like a sudden gust of wind, and the man above him knew exactly what he was doing, coaxing it out of him, squeezing, angling his thrusts— he was _good_ and G'yozah loved it, loved the intense wave of pleasure as he came, clinging to the man's shoulders.

When he opened his eyes, the eyes looking down on him were brown, not ice blue.

 

***

”T’oast”

No reaction, even though he was sure his friend was awake.

“T’oooooooaaaaast”

T’oast hummed.

“You know X’rhun,”

Another hum.

”I think I like him.”

T’oast actually snorted.

”Colour me surprised. As if you haven’t been talking about getting into his pants nonstop for the last few weeks.”

”No but that’s it. I mean— Don’t get me wrong I want his dick inside me more than anything still, but, but—”

G’yozah turned on his side, facing out into the darkness of their small, shared room.

”But?,” came T’oast’s voice as he actually peeked over the edge.

”He’s so…? _Cute?_ , I can just stare at him smiling for like, ages. And you know the way his hair is always sorta tousled? I just want to touch it and sort it out. I actually thought of that when I had sex the other day? Of _stroking Professor X’rhun’s hair_. And like— the way he’s so helpful, it makes me want to help him and…”

He trailed off when he noticed T’oast was staring at him with raised eyebrows.

”What?,” he asked, turning to hug his pillow.

”If anyone told _you_ all of that, what would you tell them?”

G’yozah groaned.

”I knowww, that’s what I mean! I like him!”

Half of the words were muffled into his pillow, but he knew T’oast could hear them well enough anyway.

”Seems so, yeah.” He heard T’oast shuffled back into a lying position without any further comment, and G’yozah squeezed his poor pillow.

”Wow, thanks,”

”I don’t know what you want me to say? Do as you’d usually do?”

G’yozah groaned again.

That, specifically, was out of the question. Any usuals were just for the purpose of just getting a good time in bed, and that never started with coffee dates and long conversations, anyway. This was — somehow, this was _different_. All of this just leading to only sex with X’rhun Tia felt wrong. It didn’t feel like enough.

”Do you need a hug?,” T’oast asked.

”...maybe.”

The noises of T’oast shuffling to the edge of the bed and climbing down reached his ears, and soon his blanket was lifted enough for his friend to scoot in next to him. And then an arm slipped around him and —it did feel better. Comforting.

”Just see where it goes, I guess?”

G’yozah hummed and turned to nuzzle his face into T’oast’s shoulder.

”Guess so, yeah.”

 

***

G'yozah had expected the Professor to leave him to it, when he'd had to admit homework was calling, but that he still wanted another coffee. Expected him to— well, since the conversation was over to, excuse himself and leave.

"I'm afraid I can't help you with economics," he'd said. "But let me get you that second coffee." G'yozah had stared after him as he'd walked off to the counter, only to return with _two_ new cups. "I have some reading of my own to do, if you don't mind," he'd explained, and that's where they were now.

For a moment he'd worried it would be awkward, or that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on his homework at all with the, well, very attractive professor there. But he hadn't needed to worry. Yes, this was the perfect opportunity to sneak glances at the older man now and then, and sometimes they did exchange a few words, but he'd already spent more than an hour studying in comfortable silence, with professor X'rhun just across the small table, flipping through the pages of his book, one by one.

"Why economics?," he heard X'rhun ask suddenly, and looking up he found the man watching him, having closed his own book who knows when. G'yozah put his pen down and chuckled softly.

"My mum chose that, actually. But I don't mind."

X'rhun hummed. "It's quite far removed from history and folklore."

"Yeah, I guess so. It’s just, I needed more credits. And it sounded really interesting. and it— It has been. I'm really glad I picked it."

X'rhun smiled then, one of those bright, genuine smiles, like when he was talking about what he was really passionate about, and the corners of his eyes crinkled and— G'yozah's heart skipped a beat.

"It's a pleasure to teach you, I hope my colleagues in the economics department appreciate you."

G'yozah laughed. "Well I must admit I don't think I'm as enthusiastic there... I do take it seriously, though. Like— My family has a hotel, and my mum wants me to take it over one day so. Economics will come in handy."

X'rhun drummed his fingers against the edge of his book softly, and G'yozah's eyes followed them up to his hands, slender but strong looking, and his wrists covered in neat cuffs under his red jacket sleeves.

"Is that what you want?"

G'yozah shrugged. "As good as anything else, really."

The professor hummed again, and G’yozah wondered if that had been the wrong answer. Should he seem as passionate about everything? Did the professor like that? Or— No. He’d be entirely himself. ”I guess this has become a new hobby.”

”A good choice, if I may say so myself.” Another one of those laughs. Something fluttered inside G'yozah. But he'd been wondering, when he'd be able to ask.

"On that subject, the fencing you mentioned at the start of the course—"

"Yes?"

"Are there still any spots available? I think I would like to try."

The way the Professor's eyes lit up was just unfair.

 

***

"So as we have a new joiner with us today, I would like for you all to first pair up and review the steps and parries of the last two classes together, while I help G'yozah here with the gear and the foundations. I will keep an eye on you all as well, so stick to the rules."

T'oast rolled his eyes, and then looked at G'yozah next to him. His eyes were wide, and his ears at perfect attention, but T'oast could see a hint of teeth on his lower lip. Was he nervous?

"Well, good luck," he said, and reached up to ruffle G'yozah's hair before turning to pair up with whoever was standing the closest. He had no idea what they'd learned the last couple of classes, since he'd not actually attended, but he'd make do. G'yozah had been so excited about 'coming along', and T'oast couldn't deny him anything anymore.

He sheepishly admitted to having no clue what they were supposed to be doing, and his companion laughed and admitted the same. To some extent, T'oast almost felt a little bad how little people, him included, seemed to take these classes seriously. They agreed to some things to practice regardless, grabbed their foils and started. T'oast's eyes were straying over to the corner of the gym more often than not, however.

Their teacher was helping G’yozah get into the protective layers, having quickly found some of a good size it seemed. Well, unlike T’oast, G’yozah was a lot more average in size, not for a miqo’te, but he fit the hyur average well enough. Maybe it was only because T’oast was _aware_ of things, but at only quick glances it did look like they stood a bit unnecessarily close to each other. And then he missed a parrying, and his partner’s blade tip his his arm.

“Problems concentrating? That was an easy point,” the guy said (What was his name even?)”, and T’oast grinned back. “Yeah, but that seems mutual. Even I know the arm doesn’t count.” He shrugged.

“Fair, I can’t keep track of which rules were which.” T’oast laughed and agreed. That was one of the main reasons he didn’t particularly enjoy this whole sport anyway.

He turned to look over at G’yozah again, and he seemed to be all dressed now, though the helmet was still open. The Professor was smiling widely, reaching out and adjusting it, as if it hadn’t been straight enough. T’oast raised an eyebrow, wondering if he’d ever even seen the man smile properly before.

“So is that roommate of yours sleeping with the teacher, or what’s going on?,” his nameless partner suddenly asked, and T’oast turned to look at him, not even surprised he knew who G’yozah was.

“No,” he said, finishing it with a ‘not yet’ inside his head.

“Oh really, I figured that’s why he’s here.” The guy nodded his head in G’yozah’s and the Professor’s direction.

“Would that be a problem?,” T’oast asked, narrowing his eyes before following the guy’s gaze to where the Professor was now guiding G’yozah’s hand to holding the foil right, again much closer than entirely necessary. It was interesting to see. Even to T’oast, who readily admitted to being far from an expert on these things— This seemed mutual.

“No. Just being nosy.” Nameless laughed. “We better stab each other a little though, or the teacher will notice us staring soon.” T’oast hummed in agreement, and pulled his eyes away from G’yozah, and the way the Professor was right behind him, guiding his shoulder into a straighter position.

Yeah. Not _yet._

 

***

”It’s really nothing but rubble these days, but we do know of a location that seems to have been maybe a temple of some sort — for red magic.”

”Oh?,” G’yozah asked, wanting to hear more. These were uncharted waters, topics that hadn’t been mentioned on the course. Information X’rhun was sharing _with him_.

”Yes, it’s an ancient pyramid — used to be quite famous as a Gyr Abanian landmark actually, and known as The Ziggurat. Though in my younger days it had already fallen to such ruin that all tourism had been stopped. Of course, that didn’t stop me from visiting.” He laughed as he said that, and again something fluttered inside G’yozah.

”Later I took part in organising a few excavations of the area, and luckily not everything has been destroyed by past generations of tourism and pillaging. There wasn’t much to find, but at least we could prove the concept of red magic had existed.”

”Was this— before the Garleans?”

”Some of it before, some after— I stayed for a while, after it happened.”

“What’s it like there, in Ala Mhigo?,” G’yozah asked, looking down and wondering for a moment, if maybe he was prying too much, into personal topics, away from the subjects of the course. But he was curious. And the Professor had mentioned that he was from there in the lectures— It wasn’t like, people didn’t know. He peeked a look up, and the Professor was smiling softly, but his frown remained.

“Now? I don’t know. Growing up? Beautiful. Despite its problems. Why do you ask?”

"I've wondered recently somehow. Probably because of you, Professor," he said with a small laugh. "My family's actually also Ala Mhigan, just— they moved away before I was even born. My oldest sister was born there, actually, but I've never been."

X'rhun smiled then, another one of those warm, eye-crinkling, soft smiles that made his stern forehead look almost out of place and butterflies flutter inside G'yozah.

"Let's wish for Ala Mhigo's liberation then, so you can visit one day."

"I mean— Not just, not just for that?," he protested quickly, and X'rhun laughed.

"I know," he said, and took off his reading glasses, slipping them into his chest pocket. Underneath them his eyes were almost sparkling.

 

***

"You're alone," Haurchefant commented when G'yozah sat down by the bar, as if that was odd these days. He guessed it was a little odd, actually.

"T'oast has some important exam tomorrow. It seems like med students have nothing but exams, honestly." Haurchefant laughed.

"You'll be grateful for that when he cares for you in a few years."

"T'oast, my doctor, now that's— Actually you know, that'd be great. Doctors never know how to deal with miqo'te. He's always complaining about that too, that textbooks don't even contain miqo'te examples." He nodded mid sentence, when Haurchefant held up an empty mug in question. "Anyway, how have you been Haurchy? I feel like it's been ages again."

"Now that would be because you have not visited me in weeks, G'yozah. I am heartbroken." His voice was dramatic, but he was grinning. "I'm good. Busy with the bar as usual, and of course with the wonders of domestic life."

That happy warmth spread over his face again. It looked good on him. G'yozah wondered if he'd look the same— If— If maybe, he could have something with the Professor.

"That sounds nice," he said, and took a sip from the mug he'd just been given. Hot, but delicious. Familiar.

"G'yozah Tia, sighing about domesticity over hot chocolate, now, is the world ending?"

"Hey, I'm plenty domestic with T'oast. He cooks, I wash the dishes, and so on. All the time."

Haurchefant raised an eyebrow, and sat down, leaning his elbows on the counter. G'yozah looked at him for a moment, and then couldn't stop the grin.

"Yeah okay okay, I think I'm sort of falling in love. Maybe."

"In _love_."

"Yeah like, you know, I— I don't want to just sleep with him?"

Haurchefant smiled widely. "Tell me everything."

And G'yozah happily did.

 

***

”...and several sources use the word ’aether’, but I have been unable to locate any mentions of it from the 8th Umbral era onwards, I assume—”

X’rhun paused to find his keys, quickly untangling them in his pocket and unlocking the door to his apartment. G’yozah was right next to him, eyes bright and nodding attentively, and as long as he just kept talking he could ignore the bubbling worry inside him.

He’d made the decision, it had not felt weird after all these weeks of meeting over coffee, after all those rewarding talks. It had felt fine. But the closer they had gotten to his home, the more the weight of it made itself clear in his mind.

No one but himself and the occasional plumber had entered his flat in the years he’d lived there.

But in G’yozah he’d found a ...friend? He wasn’t sure if that was indeed the right word. Not when—

_Support._ He’d found support. And he wanted to appreciate it, cling to it.

G’yozah’s intentions were still a mystery. He was obviously flirty, but if he was really in this hoping for sex, he’d had plenty of opportunity to further that cause by now. At this point it wasn't like X’rhun wouldn’t let him have it.

He would. Though, he knew he’d be sad afterwards.

The door opened, and he continued speaking as they stepped in.

”So I assume the biggest mystery of history, the 8th Umbral Calamity, might have also… been linked to magic.”

”So that’d be why magic disappeared?,” G’yozah asked right behind him as he turned on the light.

“I do realise that’s another very bold theory, nothing I’d write out,” X’rhun continued, watching G’yozah look around. His eyes were wide, and there was a smile on his lips as he stepped further in, eyes trailing along the towers of books and papers.

“It’s just as I imagined, somehow,” he said, and grinned at X’rhun.

“It..?”, X’rhun wondered aloud, eyes glued to the boy’s face. To his bright, almost orange (or were they pink?), eyes and the way his smile gave his soft-looking cheeks dimples that were almost hidden by the way his fringe framed his face.

“Your flat. It’s very you. Like— Neat, but still tastefully messy. A little like your hair. I like it.”

X’rhun could only smile back quickly, feeling a faint heat spread over his face. He quickly pulled off his jacket and hung it up, one layer being more than enough in the small, stuffy room, that somehow felt even warmer than usual, and followed G’yozah in.

“Make yourself at home,” he started, heading straight for the chest of drawers next to his bed, quickly changing the topic to what he’d brought G’yozah there for in the first place. “I’d like to show you some things.” As he opened the bottom drawer he stopped, however, realising maybe he was being a little overeager and impolite.

“I’m sorry, would you like anything to drink?”

G’yozah shook his head. “I’m okay! I’d like to see what you were going to show me.”

“Right,” X’rhun mumbled and returned to the drawer, taking out a box and placing it on his bed next to them. He opened it and carefully undid the protective layers of fabric and paper to reveal the first of his most precious possessions: three stone tablets. He felt G’yozah lean in close, right next to him, to get a better look.

“These are from one of the early excavations in the Peaks in Gyr Abania, not long before the Empire annexed Ala Mhigo, I managed to keep these, they’re—” He stroked a finger over the edge of one of them carefully. “I haven’t been able to decipher them entirely but, it’s a long time project. This one here—” He moved the top one slowly and with care, to reveal another one below it. “This one talks about the importance of ‘balance’ when utilising ‘red magic’, and… These finds and one more, are what made me concentrate on that specific area, it’s so fascinating, come with me—”

He abandoned the tablets on the bed and looked up at G’yozah with a smile, to tell him to follow him, but he found the boy staring at him, a small smile on his lips and eyes… _warm_.

X’rhun swallowed.

And then, without thinking, he grabbed the younger man’s wrist, pulling him along across the small room, to one of the high shelves mostly covered in books and knick knacks.

But also the home of the glass case with the rapier.

“Another time, a little later, we found this. An ancient rapier, probably once used by a Red Mage.”

“Wow,” G’yozah said, again leaning in so close X’rhun could feel him through his shirt. “It’s beautiful! What’s the crystally thing on the side?”

“The medium! Another tablet, sadly not in my posession, said it was used to channel energies, magic I assume, from within the user. It seems this was different from how other groups of magic wielders worked.”

“Sword _and_ magic, wow, that’s really cool,” G’yozah commented, and then turned his attention to X’rhun.

“So the fencing, is that—?”

X’rhun laughed softly, amused that the connection would be made so quickly. “Yeah, I picked it up out of interest in how these people may have fought— It became a dear hobby quite fast.”

“It suits you,” G’yozah said, voice soft and X’rhun turned to look at him again. Why was he so— _pretty_? Why was he staring at this old, wrinkly man like he thought exactly the same?

“It’s just an old fool’s dream really, to wield that rapier one day. To prove that channelling magic is possible and real. Imagine that, G’yozah — it would change so much, it could help people, If only I could prove it, it could adjust power imbalances in the world, it could—”

And then G’yozah was just there, so close, his hand sliding into X’rhun’s hair and warm lips pressing up against his own firmly. X’rhun let out a slow breath.

Ah. Of course.

This was how things were, after all.

He let his eyes fall closed and answered the kiss, letting G’yozah deepen it and pull him closer. Slid his own arms around the only barely shorter, but a little stockier, younger man. Simply enjoying how good it felt to be kissed again, after so long, the way his body reacted, tingling, warmth spreading through him.

It was fine. Nice. Even if it was just this once. If this was all he’d get, he’d take it.

So when G’yozah pulled back just a little, as if to ask if he could continue, X’rhun followed him, continuing the kiss himself.

It did not take many moments until they breathlessly stumbled over books, to fall onto X’rhun’s bed, clothes desperately being undone.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c
> 
> Any guesses who the white haired dude was? :D
> 
> Thank you all for the comments, it's very encouraging!


	3. Chapter 3

 

_I had to rush to class and didn’t wanna wake you up, sorry! -G’yozah_

 

X’rhun stared at the small note next to his pillow and sighed.

Of course he’d left.

He was both disappointed and relieved he hadn’t woken up from the younger man getting up and exiting. Disappointed that he hadn’t gotten some last minutes of attention, relieved he hadn’t needed to hide how much he wished that G’yozah would stay.

Another sigh as he pressed his palms against his eyes, rubbing the pressure he was feeling behind them.

He’d known, of course. It had only taken one meeting outside of lectures for the first person to inquire whether X’rhun knew what this apparently somewhat infamous student was most likely after. And that there’d be someone else the night after.

And yet he’d let it all happen.

And with his eyes pressed closed he could still feel G’yozah’s hands and lips on his skin, see those smiling eyes looking up at him. Hear his voice, not only the— _sounds_ but, the words of acknowledgement, interest…

He’d fallen hard.

And somehow, he now understood why, even though G’yozah had such a reputation, everyone seemed to love him. He couldn’t find it in him to think badly of him.

He’d felt so entirely appreciated.

With another sigh, he sat up and shuffled out of bed, grateful that he had no scheduled work on Fridays. Staying home and attempting some research sounded like more than enough. Or maybe it was time to finally do some overdue grading.

It’s not like there had been any potential for anything lasting any way. X’rhun was old, and on top of that, G’yozah’s professor.

This was fine.

 

 

***

T’oast had demanded their lunch would be had in their dorm room the moment he’d seen G’yozah’s face. The entire cafeteria did not need to hear about how he slept with one of their professors and/or how good it apparently was.

Of course T’oast had already figured that was happening when G’yozah never returned from their usual post-lecture coffee date.

To be fair, had it been anyone else, that might have been worrying, since G’yozah always sent him a text if he wasn’t coming home. He’d received no such message last night. But, he had seen no reason to distrust the fencing teacher. Especially not after seeing them interact.

So with take-away boxes in hand he’d rushed both of them back to their room. And now G’yozah was happily spooning fried rice into his mouth looking like he’d ascended to some different level.

T’oast was unsure whether he should ask, or if that would be like opening Pandora’s box.

Screw it, G’yozah had been going on about this for weeks, or was it months? It was only natural to be a little curious.

“So,” he started, and G’yozah instantly grinned.

Oh no.

“Yes!!,” he exclaimed, and then it was like the floodgates had been opened. “He invited me over to his place —He lives in a like, _tiny_ flat halfway across the city, and it was so _him_ , all cozy and filled with books and history stuff and oh my god, T’oast, he showed me all these things and like,”

Raising an eyebrow, T’oast leaned back in his chair, pulling his box of noodles closer to the edge of the table. To think a day would come when sex was not the first thing on G’yozah’s mind.

“He was just so cute, so fucking beautiful okay, all excited and going on about this rapier he has and like, I just couldn’t not kiss him and then—”

Ah.

“I don’t want any details.”

“He kissed me _back_ and gosh it was no nice, T’oast he’s so, _so_ — Well then we just,”

“I don’t want any details.”

“Like, you have _no idea_ how fit he is like, well not like massively muscular at all, thinner than me, but like, it’s all firm and like—”

“I don’t want any details.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I get it, he’s just,” G’yozah sighed, playing with his spoon in the rice, looking sort of ridiculous. “So _good_.”

“I take it you’re not coming home tonight either,” T’oast wondered, finishing up his noodles while G’yozah still had more than half of his meal left.

“Mmmm, I’m gonna head to his place straight from my last lecture I think, I wanna go see him so bad.” Now the rice started disappearing again. T’oast smiled.

“Good luck.”

 

 

***

G’yozah was nearly at X’rhun’s door already when he realised the man might not even be home. They’d not mentioned any schedules whatsoever, they hadn’t even exchanged tome numbers. It had been easy to just stay behind after class, leave together and know that he’d see the man again in just a few days. And that had kept it— _undefined_.

Because for once, G’yozah had not wanted to come off as pushy. He’d worried, if he was too quick, too greedy, it would just be like usual. A fun time, but nothing more.

He wanted X’rhun to be different. He wanted _more_.

So he rang the doorbell, balling his fists and took a deep breath, hoping for the best. The moment he heard the sound of footsteps inside a grin spread on his face. The Professor was home!

The door opened, and the man that had been filling his mind constantly recently peeked out, an almost confused look on his face. He looked tired, and was wearing what looked like pyjama bottoms and a loose (red) sweater, a far cry from the usual suits but, it looked _soft_. The entire ensemble showed that the man had not had enough sleep, which well, G’yozah may have had some part in. G’yozah’s grin widened.

”Hi again,” he said, stepping a little closer.

X’rhun frowned. ”I didn’t think you’d come back,” he said, and stepped to the side to let G’yozah in.

”Sorry! I came as soon as I could, just had some unreasonably late lectures,” he explained with a chuckle. ”And I really didn’t want to wait until next week to see you.”

That frown was still there, and when the door was closed behind them he turned around, stepping further inside and away from G’yozah.

”I’m not very presentable, am I…” X’rhun started, his voice a little unsure. Was he— embarrassed? That was… _cute_. ”I really didn’t expect anyone today…”

His words trailed off again when G’yozah stepped up behind him and slid his arms around the man’s waist. Soft. _Warm_. Leaning his chin on X’rhun’s shoulder, he smiled.

”I like it,” he said, placing a kiss on the side of X’rhun’s throat. ”Though…” A happy smirk spread over his lips as he tightened his arms, pulling the man flush against him, fingers curling around the hemline of his sweater.

”...Were you planning on staying dressed?”

”I…” X’rhun stayed still for a moment, feeling a little tense in G’yozah’s arms and G’yozah wondered quickly whether he’d overstepped, whether it had all been just once, whether X’rhun didn’t want him to touch him, whether last night had been all there was and would be. And if that was so, that was— That was fine. Of course it was. And then, just as he loosened his arms, ready to pull away, X’rhun’s hand settled on his.

”No. I wasn’t planning on that,” he said, and turned around, pushing as close as they’d just been and kissed G’yozah hard.

Ah.

G’yozah grinned into the kiss, eagerly answering it.

 

 

***

Almost in an instant, a couple of weeks had again passed. They'd had their coffees, though they had stayed shorter than ever before. It made sense, that G'yozah wanted to get back to X'rhun's place quickly — for more sex.

There had been a few more times already, and X'rhun was surprised, and somehow flattered, by how long the younger man's attention had already stayed on him. Somehow, X'rhun had had more sex in the last couple of weeks than he'd had in the last decade.

It was good, but— _Exhausting_.

Exhausting to see those smiles and grins, directed at him but not— Not the way he wanted. Exhausting to see G'yozah jump at any opportunity to turn their previously rewarding talks and meetings into simple sex.

He both loved it, and hated it.

Somehow, he wanted to make sure he got everything out of it before G'yozah finally tired of it.

G'yozah had rolled out of his bed just moments before, and was already dressed in the same tight-fitting jeans and just a little bit too short t-shirt he'd worn the day before, showing just a sliver of tan skin above his waistband. X'rhun laid there watching as he fingered through his messy hair, pulling on it and braiding it back into his usual look. And then he dug into his bag on the chest of drawers and took out a small box. X'rhun had already seen it several times, watched as G'yozah meticulously applied some purple eyeshadow to his inner eyes every morning. Nothing else, just the eyeshadow. It suited him, though, brought out his beautiful eyes. Made it impossible not to stare at them.

And when G'yozah was done, the box returned into the bag, the bag was zipped up and then thrown over his shoulder. That smile again, as he leaned close and gave X'rhun a soft kiss. X'rhun closed his eyes.

"I promised my roommate I'd stay home tonight," G'yozah said, straightening up again. "And then tomorrow there's a party I need to go to... So I'll probably be crazy dead on Sunday, but I'll text you!"

Ah.

X'rhun could hear the grin, but he knew what these words meant.

"Don't worry about it," he said, looking up again and smiling back, though G'yozah was already at the door.

A quick "see you!", and he was gone.

There it was.

 

 

***

"I got the stuff you needed. Had to run to another store to find the right type of pasta though," G'yozah said as he stepped into the dorm kitchen, dumping the bag of groceries on the counter next to T'oast. "And then it doesn't even look like pasta! But rice!"

"That's what orzo looks like," T'oast said, digging into the bag. "Thanks for getting it all though."

"It was an entirely selfish move," G'yozah responded with a grin, as he flopped down on one of the kitchen chairs. "It will allow me to eat whatever delicious thing you're making."

"Well it's not gonna cook itself so, get up and cut me an onion maybe?" T'oast was already busy peeling some carrots and the frying pan was heating up on the stove.

"Fine," G'yozah said, still smiling, and got up to help. They worked in silence for a little while, G'yozah doing what little he could after finishing the onion (dissolving stock in boiled water, mostly) and watched T'oast add ingredient after ingredient into the pan. He looked like he was genuinely having fun.

"You're the talk of the campus again, you know," T'oast said eventually, and G'yozah looked up from stirring the stock for the 4th time.

"Huh?"

"Yeah I heard several people gossiping in the hallway while you were out. They're all scandalised."

"What have I done now?," he asked, scooting a bit to the side and lifting himself up to sit on the counter. T'oast sent him a disapproving look but returned to his cooking quickly.

"Declined someone sex."

G'yozah snorted.

"Seriously though, I've done that loads of times?"

"But not after changing your mind to truth after being dared to kiss someone."

"Hmm. I guess that's a point."

"Or in front of loads of people."

G'yozah groaned dramatically.

"I'm so horrified, I have unknowingly disappointed them all."

"Nah," T'oast started with a laugh. "They just all think we're 'finally actually fucking', to quote the guy that last walked by."

G'yozah laughed, reaching out to stroke T'oast's cheek. "But of course we are, darling." His hand was promptly swatted away.

"You might not wanna feed those rumors too much, honey," T'oast said, smirking. "Your actual boyfriend might hear."

"He's not— Or I mean,"

T'oast raised an eyebrow as he poured the cursed rice-like pasta into the pan.

"I guess, he is? I mean, I hope so. I can't wait to see him again. It's been wonderful. So..." His words trailed off as his mind wandered into a pile of X'rhun. His warmth, his hair, him speaking, him holding G'yozah, stroking—

"You look incredibly stupid, in a good way."

"Huh?"

"You were grinning and blushing while staring at nothing in particular. Not that I know much about it, but you look _in love_. It suits you."

G'yozah just slapped his head softly.

"That food better be done soon, T'oast, or I'll die."

 

 

***

”...and I was going to look up more on that Garlean emperor you mentioned last lecture, because he sounded wild, but I didn’t have the time yet. But— that the Garleans would _never_ have had the ability to use magic, that’s mad! I should definitely get some books on Garlemald now—”

G’yozah had been talking the entire way back to X’rhun’s apartment, bringing up topics from the last few lectures and coming up with excuses on why he didn’t know more, why he hadn’t read up. Question after question. X’rhun had loved answering them before. When it still felt real.

”I do have a few, if you would like to borrow,” he commented, closing the door behind them and removing his jacket.

”That’d be great! Show me?”

”Of course,” X’rhun said with a soft sigh, hoping it wouldn’t be noticed. It was.

”Hey, X’rhun,” G’yozah said, stepping in close. ”Are you alright?”

”Yeah, just tired, it’s fine.”

G’yozah hummed and reached up to stroke some hair away from his face. It was sweet, and it _hurt_.

"I could help you relax?," he said, a smile spreading over his face. "Though that may end up more strenuous than showing me some books, you know." He laughed.

"G'yozah," X'rhun started, grabbing hold of the younger man's hand in his hair and pulling it down between them.

"Yes?," he asked, still smiling.

"You don't have to do that."

"Do what?" X'rhun saw confusion show up in his bright eyes.

"All the feigned interest, talking..." And there was the frown. Frustrated he had been caught, of course.

"What do you mean?"

"That... I'm fine with it being just… sex."

G'yozah was staring at him now, eyes wide and ears hanging low. He'd thought— that it would be a _relief_ , for both of them, to agree to skip that. To say out loud what was hanging over them, unsaid. It would be easier for X'rhun to not get more attached, and G'yozah would get what he—

"You think I'm just here for... sex..."

X'rhun frowned. "That's, what you do, isn't it? Why you talked to me in the first place?"

"I..." G'yozah looked horrified. Did he think people weren't aware? No, he embraced that, X'rhun had seen that much. "...I don't know what to say."

"It's fine, it's been good, I won't mind continuing until you've had enough. Quite the opposite." X’rhun forced a smile.

And suddenly there were tears forming in G'yozah's eyes, and he pulled his hand away, stepping back, away from X'rhun.

"Hey, G'yozah," he said, stepping after him, but G'yozah just shook his head, tears now falling from those beautiful eyes, still locked on X'rhun. That hurt, X'rhun wanted to understand, to wipe them away, to hold him.

"There's no 'enough'," G'yozah mumbled, and X'rhun frowned again.

"I'm in _love_ with you, you stupid dick." There was nothing but pure honesty and _pain_ in the boy's face as he stared right at X'rhun.

And then just as heavy stones settled at the bottom of X'rhun's stomach, before the meaning of those words even really sunk in, something caught his attention in the corner of his eye. Something red, and his eyes shot to the side, further into the apartment. Just barely two meters away from them the crystal medium and rapier were _glowing_.

"Oh my god, G'yozah, look," he exclaimed, rushing towards it. A weak, pulsating, but very much _there_ glow. The rapier, glowing. Exactly what he'd waited a decade for, trying everything to achieve again, but never succeeding... Was it G'yozah doing it? It must be—

He turned to look at the boy again, still standing near the door, his hands balled into fists at his sides and face wet from tears. Had he said... Oh god, he'd... He'd said,

"I _love_ you," G'yozah repeated, and this time the words sank in. X'rhun just stared. Stared as G'yozah wiped his face on his sleeve. Stared as G'yozah bit his lip.

"You—," was all he could manage, as he stared as G'yozah turned around and left the flat.

X'rhun sank to the floor, landing uncomfortably on some book lying there, but unable to care.

He'd messed up. He'd messed up really badly.

His own words kept replaying in his head, and then G'yozah's, and all their meetings, their moments, G'yozah's smiles, his questions, his enthusiasm, his eagerness and obvious attraction, his— How had X'rhun read it all so _wrong_? So, so _wrong_?

He buried his face in his hands. G'yozah loved him.

And next to him, the rapier had stopped glowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments guys, I really appreciate it! Apologies for the cliffhanger :3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! :3

G'yozah was home when T'oast returned from the library. It was later than he'd usually return, but he'd been sure G'yozah had gone off to X'rhun's place.

"Hey, you're home" he said, in the direction of the blanket bundle on G'yozah's bed as he closed the door. The response was more a sob than a greeting and T'oast realised something was really wrong.

"Hey, Dumpling," he said, dropping his bag and sitting down on the edge of G'yozah's bunk. Placing a hand on the blanketed lump next to him, he asked, "What happened?".

G'yozah rolled over a little to look at him, and T'oast instantly felt ready to murder someone. His eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks still streaky from the obvious tears. And his hair was a mess.

"Come here," he said softly, and scooted closer. G'yozah nodded and sat up enough for T'oast to put his arms around him and pull him close. And then he started crying again. He slid his hand on to G'yozah's head, gently stroking his hair as he held him tight with his other arm.

T’oast wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen G’yozah like this before. He was not easy to break.

"Just say so and I'll kill him," He said, easily guessing who was behind this. But G'yozah shook his head against his shoulder.

"No, please don't."

"Okay, I'll let him live, but he'll suffer."

G'yozah chuckled through the sobs, and T'oast smiled.

"So you wanna talk about it?"

G'yozah sighed and moved in a way that probably meant he wiped his nose on T'oast's shoulder. Well. He'd deal with that later.

"He thought... I can't even blame him," G'yozah mumbled, arms tightening around T'oast. "Thought it was just about sex for me, all this time." More sobs. "And you know, that's fair, right? That's me usually."

"There's nothing wrong with that, G'yozah." He tangled his fingers into G'yozah's halfway undone braid.

"I know, I— But this time I—"

"Mm, I know."

"I really, really like him T'oast."

"I know, Dumpling." G'yozah sobbed again.

"But he— He told me I could stop 'feigning interest', that just, just the sex was okay,"

Okay, T'oast was going to kill him.

"Have I not shown him enough how much I— What did I do to make him think that, should I not have kissed him?"

T’oast shook his head gently and just kept stroking G’yozah’s hair. He’d keep doing it for as long as G’yozah needed.

 

***

G'yozah held on to T'oast's hand tightly under the table as X'rhun's eyes passed over the lecture room, stopping at him for longer than anywhere else. Then he looked down, before continuing the lecture, and G'yozah bit his lip. He looked tired.

Three days had passed, and not a text message or call had come through. Well, he hadn't sent any either. He understood.

For each day that passed, T’oast had gotten angrier on his behalf, but G’yozah still couldn’t blame X’rhun.

But he was going to see this through, even if nothing came of it, and X’rhun really had not wanted anything more. He’d spend the evening crying in T’oast’s arms again but— At least he’d know.

Because people he just had sex with didn’t look at him like _that_. They— they didn’t tell him to not ’fake’, like it _hurt_.

And no matter what, he didn’t actually want to miss a single one of these lectures. He really did want to know all of it. But he’d been rubbish at hiding how nervous he was, so here he was, at the back of the lecture room, holding T’oast’s hand because he’d offered to come along as moral support.

What had he done to deserve T’oast, really.

”He’s looking here a lot,” T’oast whispered. ”I guess he’s nervous. Good.”

”...T’oast,”

”I know, don’t worry. I’ll just stay a bit away.”

”Thank you.” T’oast squeezed his hand.

X’rhun seemed distracted through the entire lecture, going off on tangents, not finishing sentences and lacking that usual enthusiasm that G’yozah loved. G’yozah couldn’t blame him, more so he felt bad his presence was making the professor so uncomfortable.

Maybe he shouldn’t have come.

_No._ He needed to.

And then suddenly, as if it hadn’t just felt like no time was passing at all, the lecture ended. G’yozah felt his heart speed up as people packed up and left their seats, but he stayed in place. It felt like forever since he’d first waited for all the other students to leave the classroom before speaking to the Professor.

T’oast never let go of his hand, so G’yozah slowly packed his notebook away using just the other one. He’d not exactly taken any notes, there were just some scribbles.

In the front of the room he could see X’rhun closing off the projector, the computer and stacking his notes as students left the room one by one.

“Here we are,” T’oast whispered, and squeezed his hand once more before letting go. “Go get your apology.”

G’yozah sighed and got up. Slowly walking to the front of the lecture room. T’oast was right behind him, there to support him, and in front of him, not even two yalms away now, was X’rhun, a worried frown on his face as his eyes stayed locked on the papers and books on the desk.

T’oast gave his shoulder a squeeze, then placed himself against the wall next to the door. G’yozah steeled himself, again balling his fists by his sides and then he took a deep breath. This was it.

“Professor, I mean, X’rhun,” His voice was so much weaker than he’d expected, but X’rhun looked up, straight at him, and it felt like G’yozah’s heart skipped a beat. But this close he could see how tired the man looked, and how his frown looked even deeper than usual.

“G’yozah,” he answered, and how G’yozah wished he would just say it over and over again. But he had to, he had to figure this out. “You—”

“I’m sorry,” G’yozah interrupted him quickly, and then ignored T’oast’s huff of protest behind him and the start of a ‘but’ from X’rhun’s lips. “I’m really sorry, I made you feel that way right, my actions, I made you think that– And that must’ve, _hurt_ all that time, and I just— I just wanted you so much I couldn’t not but,”

He paused to take a breath, feeling like he was shaking, and X’rhun was staring at him with his mouth slightly open, about to speak but–

“Let me just finish, I–I never wanted it to end, I never wanted to not listen to you, I _love_ listening to you, but I get it, I know what you’ve probably— probably heard about me and that’s not wrong, it’s all true, so I don’t, actually know what I’ve been doing, what I _am_ doing at all —I just, want to be with you more than I’ve wanted to be with anyone ever in my life and I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you.”

He felt tears stinging in his eyes by the time he finished, taking another quick and unsteady breath, unsure what to make of the way X’rhun was staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging slightly open. Frankly, he just wanted to kiss it but… That was not for him to decide.

“ _You’re_ sorry,” X’rhun started after a moment. “You. I... I threw all that on you, said you were just— I said such horrible, unfair things based on nothing but my own made up interpretations of your actions, and then didn’t even, _react_ when you told me how you felt– I did all that, and _you’re_ sorry?”

T’oast snorted. “That’s what I said.”

“Yes. I’m sorry.” G’yozah repeated.

X’rhun sighed, shook his head softly, and then smiled. G’yozah bit down on his lip again.

“I’m sorry too, G’yozah. So insanely sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

He brushed a hand through his hair, and looked straight at G'yozah again. There was something almost _hopeful_ in his eyes and G'yozah felt his heart speed up again, the sudden possibilities that he hadn't dared hope for slowly making themselves clear. X'rhun was sorry, X'rhun said he'd been wrong, X'rhun—

"So," X'rhun started again, stepping to the side a little, so he wasn't behind the desk anymore, but simply two steps away. He was wearing the same suit he'd worn the first time G'yozah ever saw him, he realised, and just like then it looked amazing on him.

"I just want to say, I don't blame you, G'yozah. And..." He paused, and G'yozah's heart was in his throat and he just wanted to reach and touch him. X'rhun's gaze moved to the side for a moment, in the direction of T'oast, and G'yozah wondered quickly if his friend's presence made him nervous. Either way, G'yozah would not have had him leave. Ever.

"And, if, despite my huge mistakes you still, for whatever unfathomable reason, want this bitter old man, then,"

He wouldn't really have to finish the sentence, because G'yozah was already smiling, even though his eyes were still stinging, stinging even more now, but—

"Though I don’t deserve it, would you mind giving me another chance?"

"Yes!," G'yozah blurted out, the shook his head quickly, "I mean, no, no I wouldn't mind, If I can, get one too,"

X'rhun smiled, but G'yozah barely saw it before he'd closed the distance between them and buried his face in the man's shoulder, hands clinging to his jacket. X'rhun's arms closed around him, pulling him closer and G'yozah felt a huge wave of relief wash over him like, finally, he could breathe again. And he did, and everything smelled like _X'rhun_ , of his shampoo, of old books, and maybe, of _magic_.

They stood there for a moment, just holding each other, until eventually the sound of T'oast clearing his throat made G'yozah look up.

"Not to ruin the mood, but next class in here is in 5 minutes. People are gonna start coming in."

"Oh right," G'yozah said, straightening up but reluctant to let go of X'rhun. When he looked up at X'rhun, resisting the urge to sneak a quick kiss was entirely, physically impossible, but X'rhun just smiled again. Gods, it was so beautiful.

"Seriously though," T'oast had straightened up too, and was holding the door handle ready to open it. "You might wanna save that scandal for another day and go continue your make-up rituals somewhere a bit less public, like maybe the Professor's place."

G'yozah laughed, and wiped his face on his sleeve, not caring about what that probably did to his eye shadow.

"I think, maybe, just a coffee would be good for now?," G'yozah said, the tone more of a question than an opinion, unsure about what exactly X'rhun wanted, worried he'd seem too eager to just be physical again and— He hadn't talked to X'rhun for days he wanted, he _missed_ him, his stories his— _everything_.

"Are you done for the day, G'yozah?," X'rhun asked.

"Yeah, this was my last lecture."

"Then I think T'oast's idea is fantastic, would you let me take you home?"

G'yozah frowned, unsure what this meant, unsure how careful he should be, _unsure._. Then X'rhun's hand grabbed his.

"I want to hold you, kiss you— make up for the ones I didn’t appreciate right. Please,"

How many times that day had G'yozah's heart accelerated this quickly already? He wasn't sure. He nodded. And finally, they walked to the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," T'oast said with a smile and ruffled G'yozah's hair, before heading off in the direction of the dorms.

"You should come to your fencing classes again, T'oast," X'rhun said after him. T'oast stopped in his tracks and visibly shrugged, before throwing a "Yes, Professor," back and continuing on his way. G'yozah couldn't stop grinning. He was emotionally exhausted, yet so happy, and had to control himself not to grab X'rhun's hand as they headed off in the other direction, towards the gates and then— X'rhun's apartment.

 

***

G'yozah tried protesting, not because he didn't want to, but because there was that wriggling worry in his belly, worry that things would just repeat themselves and X'rhun would find it too much again. That he wouldn't be able to hold back and just want more and more and— They really should just talk, they should talk and share stories and get to know each other better and—

But X'rhun's arms were warm around him, as they had wrapped around him almost instantly after they reached his flat, and his lips soft and so hot against G’yozah’s own and he— He made it so hard, _so hard_ , not to just melt into his touch and get what he of course wanted. What he had missed, wished for for the last few days, wondered if he'd ever get to feel again.

But he had to make sure, one more time.

”X’rhun—,” his hand tangled in the older man’s hair, holding him as he pulled back a little, just enough to speak, but X’rhun’s lips only found other places to kiss instead, his jaw, his neck, making shivers go up his spine.

”Please, I just, should we not talk some more first?,” he managed while both wishing for X’rhun to stop and to absolutely never do so, his simple touches and kisses making G’yozah react so much quicker than he often would, so much stronger so much— It _tingled_ , it burned and it made his legs feel weak.

”Do you want me to stop?,” X’rhun mumbled against his neck, and it only took him a moment to shake his head. No. He didn’t want X’rhun to stop.

X’rhun’s arms tightened around him again, and he wrapped his own fully around X’rhun’s neck. So close. How he’d missed this touch.

”Good,” X’rhun murmured then, straightening up enough to give G’yozah another kiss, and then leaned his forehead against G’yozah’s.

”I know you’re not leaving now, G’yozah." He was so close, their breaths mingling and G'yozah stared straight at his beautiful ice blue eyes, right there in front of him. "And I— I missed your touch. You should know that I never disliked it, it was more I, — _clung_ to it because I thought it was all I could get, and that it was limited.”

One of X'rhun's hands was in his hair now, playing with it, thumb stroking his cheek, along his markings, and it was so hard not to just let his eyes slip closed and concentrate on only that soft, gentle touch, but X'rhun was still looking at him and he simply could not let himself pull his eyes away.

"We'll talk, we will, but for now, I want you..." he started, moving enough to give G'yozah another kiss, and G'yozah latched onto it, kissing back, the earlier doubts melting away with X'rhun's words and warmth again spreading inside him. Warmth, and the incredible feeling of X'rhun _wanting him_.

G'yozah was far from unfamiliar with being wanted, but it didn't usually feel like _this_.

And then X'rhun withdrew again, looking at him with his cheeks flushed and eyes a little glossy, and G'yozah tried to follow him, to kiss him more, push him further in so they'd get to the bed, because _yes_ , he wanted him too, but X'rhun didn't move.

"G'yozah," X'rhun started, hand travelling down his shoulder, collarbone and then chest, holding onto his thin t-shirt. "I'd like _you_ inside of me."

And it was like another stone was dropped into his stomach, even as the words sent shivers up his spine.

He’d never asked. He’d just taken what he wanted, never made sure whether X’rhun preferred— he’d just— _wanted to be fucked by this man so much he’d not considered X’rhun’s potential preferences at all_.

”Is that—,” he started, suddenly feeling tense and again needing to make sure. Make sure that he’d not again hurt X’rhun without knowing. Why was it that when he really tried, because he really wanted something, it all went so much more wrong than it ever did when it didn’t really matter?

X'rhun had stopped now, and was looking at him, question apparent in his eyes.

”Would you have, preferred that... all along?"

X'rhun kept staring at him, brows furrowed, and it felt like the seconds were taking weeks to pass. Could he not answer, tell G'yozah, so he'd know and he could stop being selfish, stop just taking what he wanted, stop—

"G'yozah, hey,"

X'rhun's hand went back up into his hair, thumb again stroking his cheek so gently.

"That's not what I meant," X'rhun started, and all of G'yozah's senses were on alert, waiting and wishing for him to continue.

"I wouldn't change anything, G'yozah. I simply thought that, with how freely you’ve given yourself to me, that I could show my reciprocation by doing the same."

G'yozah bit his lip, the stone in his belly quickly dissolving into butterflies as X'rhun's words sank in. And then he smiled, leaning into the hand on his cheek.

"Then yes—please," he nearly whispered, and X'rhun's smile widened in that way that made his eyes crinkle. So beautiful.

And then they were kissing again, X’rhun’s lips moving against his again spreading those butterflies throughout his body. Gentle pulling, and they were stumbling over books deeper into the flat. It reminded him of that first time, when G’yozah had kissed X’rhun, though this was slower, less desperate. Because they had all the time in the world.

It was the same with undressing. Slow, opening and removing each garment carefully, yet the kisses were only interrupted when absolutely necessary — like when G’yozah’s t-shirt had to be pulled over his head, or when X’rhun nearly fell over as his heel hit a book on the floor.

And then eventually, X’rhun laid on his back, naked and beautiful. Hard from their kisses and wandering hands, looking up at G’yozah with that familiar warmth showing through the anticipation in his eyes.

G’yozah leaned forward to let his hand travel up X’rhun’s chest, palm flat, touching, exploring. He’d already seen it all, touched X’rhun almost everywhere, yet this time felt different somehow. This felt more… _real_. He wanted to experience all of X’rhun anew. Even the way X’rhun’s breath hitched when he stroked over a nipple felt new somehow, and yet not. But the way it made his butterflies dance again, every time X’rhun reacted, was magical. Especially when he let his hand wander lower.

”G’yo—zah,” X’rhun _moaned_ , the name breaking on his lips as G’yozah stroked him. It made it hard to keep his own breaths even, and he could relate to the urgency in X’rhun’s voice easily. But he was going to ensure it would be the best it could possibly be. So while stroking just a few more times, enough to make X’rhun’s hands grab hold onto the bed sheets, he reached for one of the cushions placed neatly along the side.

”Lift your hips,” he murmured softly, letting go and placing the cushion underneath X’rhun’s hips as he lifted them.

”I want you like this, on your back, so,” he explained, adjusting the placement and gently pushing X’rhun’s legs in, bending his knees and then gently pushing his tail to the side. ”Just, to make sure it’s comfortable.” X’rhun nodded, his breathing heavy and face flushed.

There was just one thing. The era of assumptions was over now. He’d make sure. He’d communicate. So as he reached for the bottle of lube, he asked.

”You’ve— done this before, right?”

X’rhun let out a soft laugh.

”Yes— but,”

G’yozah waited for him to continue, watching the way his eyes were shifting to the sides.

”It has been a very long time.”

G’yozah smiled, as he coated his fingers thoroughly.

”How long?”

There was a pause, then X’rhun reached up and brushed a hand through his already tousled hair.

”About ten years?”

G’yozah gaped for a moment, and then that same smile spread over his face again. Not for so long, yet with G’yozah, _now_. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on X’rhun’s chest as he pushed the man’s legs just a little further apart.

”I’ll be gentle.”

”I’ll be fine,” X’rhun protested softly, drawing a sudden hitched breath as G’yozah’s fingers found their goal — only touching yet, but right there.

”I know you will,” he said, softly adding pressure, making the first finger slide in. ”But I want it to be good. For you.”

"It will be," X'rhun mumbled, shifting his hips so that G'yozah's finger slid further in. "If you get on with it."

G'yozah laughed softly, very much understanding the sentiment. Gently moving his finger a few times, he added more one by one, carefully stretching X'rhun. It was much slower than he could ever be bothered to do it himself, but— _Ten years_ was a long time and— He wanted to make _sure_.

Only once all four of his fingers could make it in did he finally pull out of his concentration to look up at X'rhun's face. His eyes were closed and eyebrows furrowed, but his mouth slightly open, letting out quick but quiet, irregular breaths. His hands were again tightly gripping the bed sheets and somehow, he looked like he was about to melt into the bed.

”Does it feel good?,” G’yozah asked with a smile, pushing his fingers as deep as he could and then curling them. X’rhun’s ”Gods, yes” came out more like a gasp, than actual speech, but G’yozah did not miss the message.

”Good,” he said with a grin and repeated the movement a few times, making X’rhun’s back arch and _finally_ pulling a long, proper moan from his lips, sending shivers up G’yozah’s back.

A whispered ”Gods,” followed, and a wide grin again covered G’yozah’s lips. _That’s right. It’s good._

Encouraged by X’rhun’s reactions, he finally withdrew his fingers, deciding that yeah okay, X’rhun was probably going to be okay. He seemed more than okay, if that look he was now giving G'yozah was anything to go by. He leaned forward again, crawling over X'rhun enough to reach his lips and kiss him hard. And Gods, his warm lips felt so good, and his hands settling on G'yozah's back, stroking it, his neck, his hair, his teeth nipping on his lips, _surrounding_ him and soon he would—

X'rhun took hold of G'yozah's braid, enabling him to pull back from the kiss and making G'yozah's breath catch.

"G'yozah, can you, pass me the lube?," he whispered, so close, and G'yozah just nodded, pulling back to grab it from where he'd left it right away. X'rhun reached out and took it from him, and G'yozah watched as he poured a good amount of it onto his hand.

"Come here, G'yozah," he mumbled, and G'yozah climbed over him again, just like before, their lips meeting again and then— X'rhun's hand on him, stroking him to spread the cold gel all over him and he first gasped, then _groaned_ into X'rhun's mouth. He'd not really concentrated on himself at all yet, keeping his attention fully on X'rhun and how X'rhun felt, needing it to be the best for _X'rhun_. But _Gods_ , okay, he was— _really fucking turned on_.

He pulled back from the kiss and leaned his forehead on X'rhun's shoulder, moaning loudly as X'rhun stroked and squeezed him, making X’rhun chuckle underneath him. His knees already felt like jelly, and he hadn't even made it inside the man yet.

And then X'rhun let go, his slick and cool hand landing on G'yozah's hip. The words "don't make me wait, G'yozah," were whispered by his ear and he _shivered_ , ears twitching at the sound as he quickly sat up to adjust himself.

Deep breaths with his eyes closed, and then, opening them to watch X'rhun in front of him, just for another moment. X'rhun smiled, hair spread out over his pillow and eyes so much darker than usual. G’yozah loved it, everything he saw. Loved X’rhun.

And then just a few more breaths, just mildly nervous. It wasn’t even that long ago that G’yozah had last been the one doing the fucking, he was flexible, he loved being flexible and making it all as good as possible for his partner. That was half the fun in good sex. So not long ago at all. A couple of months maybe? But right then it felt like it happened in a different lifetime somehow. _Before X’rhun_.

_Don't make him wait_.

Smiling, he leaned forward, pushing X'rhun's legs up and aligning himself to slowly, so slowly push inside. X'rhun groaned, and his hand landed on G'yozah's neck, short nails digging into his skin. He paused, opening his mouth to speak, but X'rhun was quicker. "Keep going," he mumbled, legs settling around G'yozah's hips as if to pull him further in and— There he was, chest pressed against X'rhun’s held tightly close, and buried all the way inside. He moaned against X'rhun's skin, making sure not to move any more just yet.

It felt incredible, not just— Not just physically, but his mind was going all fuzzy from being so _surrounded by X’rhun_. X’rhun’s hand ran up his back, up into his hair and pulling him higher so they could kiss. Once, twice, then a whispered ”you can move”, and a third time.

Clumsy, not at all like other times, but wanting so much more than just moving. To feel X’rhun’s entire body under him, to kiss him to _touch_ him and also— the need to get it just right, to make it feel amazing for X’rhun, to make him shake, shiver, arch his back, to hear his voice, to see his face, his reactions, all these things and wishes as high up on the priority list as his own movement made it all so much more complicated in the best way.

So it was slow, drawn out, and _wonderful_. X’rhun’s hands in his hair, on his back, his gasps and the way his ears moved every time a thrust hit _just right_ and the way his hips and insides tensed up and body pushed against G’yozah’s when he stroked X’rhun between their bodies.

And then watching, still moving, as X’rhun’s head fell back, face red and his eyes closed, a long moan of pleasure escaping his open lips and his fingers clinging to G’yozah’s shoulders as he came. G’yozah wasn’t sure he’d ever seen anyone so beautiful in his life and had to remind himself to breathe.

It only took so much longer, barely moments, before G’yozah too came, deep inside X’rhun and gasping his name. Arms tightening around him, as he let himself just fall on top of X’rhun as the last waves of pleasure went through him.

“G’yozah,” X’rhun whispered, making G’yozah’s ears twitch. Warm. Nice. So good. He hummed, rolling off X’rhun to the side, X’rhun’s breath hitching as the movement made him pull out. “Was that, okay?,” he mumbled, and X’rhun laughed softly, shifting closer. “It was.”

G’yozah smiled, reaching up to gently stroke his fingers along X’rhun’s jaw. “Good. You’re amazing.”

Shifting even closer, G’yozah nuzzled his face into X’rhun’s shoulder. It was only late afternoon… maybe. A short nap wouldn’t be so bad would it? Just— “Mmm, wake me in 10 minutes,” he mumbled sleepily, and X’rhun laughed softly in that wonderful way again, the way that made his eyes crinkle. “Just ten.”

“Of course, G’yozah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They made up \o/ G'yozah is the kind of idiot who will not blame anyone until they hurt someone he cares about. Also he's an idiot in love. 
> 
> Thank you all for your kind comments, I really, really appreciate it! One more capter to go for this one, with some plot (!), but their story will of course continue in further installments of this students of light project me and Betsib have going on. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the final chapter in this installment!

More than an hour had passed when G’yozah slowly opened his eyes again, but neither he nor X’rhun had moved. There was a hand in his hair, and it felt nice. He rolled over a bit, freeing X’rhun’s shoulder; but nuzzling close just a little lower.

”Mmmmhow long was I out for?”

”Haven’t looked at the clock, an hour maybe?”

G’yozah pouted. ”I said ten minutes.”

X’rhun laughed softly. ”I may have dozed for a moment myself.”

G'yozah hummed, noting the used tissues next to them. He’d also had time to clean them up a little. Efficient. G’yozah rolled even closer, and X'rhun shifted onto his side, facing G'yozah, their faces almost touching.

He let his hand wander down X'rhun's side, sliding to his lower back and to rest at the base of his tail. "And how... are you?"

"I'm not in pain, if that's what you're wondering," he said with a smile. G'yozah grinned.

"So how was it compared to ten years ago? Or does one even remember that far back, how it feels I mean,"

X'rhun's brows furrowed, as if in thought, and then he looked down.

"I do remember. It's not comparable, though."

He sighed, and the hand that had been absentmindedly stroking G'yozah's hair stopped. "You wanted to talk, and I said later, I guess that's now."

There was a pause, and G'yozah let his hand wander back up along X'rhun's side, his chest, then his neck and up into his hair as well. Soft.

"It's also been about ten years since I last saw that crystal medium and rapier glow." X'rhun started, and it was G'yozah's turn to furrow his brows, unsure where this was going.

"This all— It wasn't just me, G'yozah. The magic."

His voice suddenly sounded tired somehow, and G'yozah watched him, tangling their legs together as he waited for him to continue.

"I used to work with this man, or well, we studied together, found magic together, were so close to proving it exists together. He was good at all the practical sides and I did most of the writing. I— I loved him."

So this man was the one who'd last fucked X'rhun then, G'yozah thought. But it sounded like there was more to it than just a story of an ex boyfriend. He felt small worms of worry wiggle in his stomach as X'rhun's gaze stayed angled away and his bright eyes so focused on nothing in particular.

"But about ten years ago he suddenly disappeared, taking my hard drive with him. I tried contacting him so many times, I didn't understand what was happening at all. But without him I could never produce any of that glow. I guess he was the one with the talent for that. And my indisputable proof of the existence of magic was gone."

He sighed again, and G'yozah slid his hand higher, to gently stroke over X'rhun's ear. It made him finally look back up and meet G'yozah's eyes. G'yozah smiled, trying to encourage X'rhun to continue, and he did.

"And three years later I received a parcel with a novel in it. _The Crimson Saviour_ , authored by Lambard Calowise and published by the Garlean state publisher. He'd taken my research, sold it to the Garleans and rewritten it as fiction. A simple way to make sure people would not take me seriously."

G'yozah swallowed, a little taken aback by the sudden, hard truth. But mostly it hurt — it hurt to hear what X'rhun had been through, and in an instant he _hated_ this Lambard more than he'd ever hated anyone. Not counting Hariwald, they were probably on the same level. He kept stroking X'rhun's hair and ear gently with one hand, balling the other into a fist.

"You know the rest though, it became a big hit, there's already a sequel to the first movie, academics still treat magic as nothing but a fairy tale..." X'rhun's voice trailed off for a moment, and then he smiled. It was a sad smile, but a smile. And he was beautiful when he smiled.

"I've never given up. I kept doing my research and working towards being able to prove it all these years. I don't give up that easily, even though I realised he'd made the goal of amassing enough concrete proof jump a mile further away through his actions. And I'm sure he knew I would be unable to manipulate any aether on my own."

He never gave up, no. And that's what kept him in the field, that's what made him teach these classes, that's what made G'yozah get to meet him.

Oh.

_The rapier._

"But when— you, _it glowed_."

X'rhun sighed again.

"Yeah, it did. I'm truly sorry about my reaction there, it was the first time I had seen it glow in a decade. And I think you're the one that did it."

"Me...?," G'yozah whispered, and X'rhun nodded.

"And if so, maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to progress again— I mean, if you'd, be willing to try again for me."

"Do you even need to ask?"

And he laughed, soft and warm, and leaned closer, placing a kiss on G'yozah's lips.

"I guess not," he mumbled before another kiss.

"I'm with you on this," G'yozah whispered back, smiling.

"Thank you."

 

***

"But why did the Garleans pay him for that research? What do they want with it?," G'yozah asked, spooning some more Broccoli in oyster sauce onto his plate. There were a lot of small street food places not far from X'rhun's apartment, and most of them delivered. Exactly what was needed after... _well,_ a good fuck and some heavy talk.

"Now, that's a harder thing to answer. It could be simple but, I really don't know for sure. Magic was powerful, devastating, and it was used to create power. Magic was the foundation for several old civilisations and their might. Now today, for Garlemald that power is their monopoly on Ceruleum, and all that they can power using it. So not only does it provide them with weaponry only limited by their own technological production but, other countries, including the Eorzean city states are dependent on trade with them. That is how they easily annexed Ala Mhigo. Even if you had the weapons to fight it, when the resources to run them come from the Empire, what do you do?"

G'yozah nodded, chewing his broccoli as he listened. It did make sense.

"Of course, the Garleans must have some other agenda. There's no Ceruleum in Ala Mhigo, yet it's behind walls now. And in my specific case, that means that the sources for a lot of possible information on red magic are stuck out of my reach, in Gyr Abania."

X'rhun paused for long enough to take some bites himself, and G'yozah watched him. They'd both pulled on some comfortable clothes, enough to be able to open the door for the food delivery, and X'rhun looked absolutely adorable in his loose, long-sleeved t-shirt and reading glasses.

"And I don't know how, I can't even make that rapier glow, let alone use it like mages of old did. I don't even know how magic could really be used, if it could even ever be harnessed beyond simple spells."

"They must have though, the Mhachi and so on," G'yozah commented.

"Yes, but is the world the same now? I don't know. But I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, me and Lambard were getting too close to some truth that would change the world just enough to make the Empire uncomfortable. And maybe they know, how to use it and what it could do, and that's why they bought him out. I am not sure what they offered him, but I would like to think it was irresistible, and that he didn't just... Choose to betray me for bread crumbs but,"

He sighed.

"I think the Empire is knowingly trying to keep the truth about magic hidden, and are working to discredit all that come too close to the truth. Even outside their borders, but of course, the more they annex, the more control they have."

"So... Do you think they're still keeping their eyes on you?"

X'rhun chuckled. "Maybe to some extent, but I've barely made any progress in a decade. As long as other academics consider me 'obsessed with fairy tales' I doubt they care much."

”Good. I was worried you might, you know, be in danger.” X’rhun looked up from his plate.

”If I was, I would make sure it wouldn’t extend to you,” he said, face serious. G’yozah smiled.

”That’s not what I meant, I’m not worried about myself. And I’m already involved aren’t I? I mean— more than just _us_ being, involved, the rapier…”

X’rhun sighed, but there was a smile tugging at his lips,

”I guess you’re right. It seems I’ve found a good partner.”

”Excuse me, no taking credit for my discoveries, I found _you_.”

He laughed, and G’yozah grinned.

”Now finish that pad thai so I can drag you back to bed, I’m feeling a little _empty_.”

X’rhun raised his eyebrows, his eyes brightening. And then, with a smirk pulling on his lips he continued eating at a quick pace.

 

***

”T’oast, do you believe in magic?”

”Huh?”

”Just, hypothetically.”

”Sure.”

G’yozah turned to look at him, only to find that he at least wasn’t joking. ”How come? Most people wouldn’t.”

T’oast hummed and looked up from his notes.

”Wouldn’t they? I don’t know, it feels quite logical. There’s so much shit science can’t explain.”

G’yozah leaned back in his chair, closing his book in front of him. ”Like what?,” he asked.

T’oast smirked. ”Like you actually doing the laundry.”

”Heyy!,” G’yozah protested, giving T’oast a playful smack on the head. ”That was manual effort, not magic!”

”Fair,” T’oast agreed, laughing.

 

***

X’rhun was leaned over his desk, carefully going through the large pile of old notebooks he’d assembled earlier. It was worth it, reading through and remembering all he had found and produced before, even if it was only in the form of handwritten notes. Of course he’d digitalised some of it again, written chapter after chapter on things that would never see the light of day, but— there was a reason to be inspired again now. Maybe, just maybe, if G’yozah could manipulate aether just like Lambard had, then...

It was a little funny, wasn’t it? How X’rhun, who seemed incapable of doing it himself at all, would twice fall for someone who could.

As if on cue, his tomestone vibrated. A quick look, and a smile spread on his face. Of course it was from G’yozah.

_I’ll stop by the dorm and then come over, that ok? Miss you._

He sent a quick reply, and set the tomestone back down. He missed G’yozah too, they were— They were officially a couple now, there were t-shirts and underwear of G’yozah’s in his laundry, and two toothbrushes resting in his bathroom cup. Just out of convenience, really— for all the nights he stayed over, sharing X’rhun’s bed, bodies tangled together.

And it seemed like tonight would be no different. He loved it, he... loved G’yozah, and he was grateful of the changes the young man had brought to his life in such a short time. He was maybe not entirely used to it still, having someone there so often and feeling _lonely_ when they weren’t.

And he still wondered why, and whether it was even fair, for him to make such changes in G’yozah’s life. G’yozah was young, so much younger. Still a student— he _should_ be staying in his dorm and enjoying life with his friends and— Yet so often he travelled across town to spend his evenings with a dusty old man and equally dusty books.

He knew of course, that feelings were feelings, and he didn’t question G’yozah’s anymore. They were real. Somehow, for some incomprehensible reason, G’yozah loved him. And whenever X’rhun had tried to bring up the point of their age difference, G’yozah only turned any negatives into positives. Even his increasing wrinkles were nothing but beautiful to G’yozah.

X’rhun sighed softly, and continued reading, for now resigning himself to the thought that maybe, maybe it was okay to just be happy.

 

***

“I’ll be back on sunday,” G’yozah said, grinning widely as he threw his backpack back on.

“Alright, don’t forget to pick up the fish on the way back,” T’oast said.

“Like I would forget,” G’yozah laughed. “See you.”

“Have a good time,” T’oast said, and G’yozah gave him a smile before heading out the door. He looked so happy it was impossible not to smile back.

The door closed behind him, and the room was silent again. He could vaguely hear music coming from their neighbours’ room. T’oast sighed, closing the book he’d been reading. He walked over to the table by the window to put the kettle on. A while later he could see G’yozah through the window, hurrying to the bus with a spring in his step. T’oast smiled to himself. What an idiot in love.

Still, he couldn’t deny that a part of him was jealous.

Not of G’yozah, or of X’rhun, really. Sure, it was a bit lonely suddenly spending his weekends alone again, and he missed G’yzah at times, but it wasn’t a big deal. It was more how _happy_ G’yozah was, and that fond look in his and X’rhun’s eyes when they looked at each other. It would be nice, T’oast mused as he looked out the window without really seeing anything, to have someone look at him like that too.

The kettle announced the water was ready, and T’oast shook his head, trying to chase away the thought. He had been resigned to a lonely life a long time ago already. He built walls around himself, never letting friends too close, and ignoring every crush he’d ever gotten. It was easier that way. Easier than hoping, and then having that hope crushed when they eventually found out who he was.

And then G’yozah had appeared, destroying T’oast’s walls and accepting him, faults and all. T’oast was truly thankful for his friendship, but— with it came a tiny hope that maybe, just maybe finding love wasn’t impossible either. Maybe T’oast could actually find someone who would look at him that fondly, who would hold him and not let him go despite what he’d done, who would still want him. Maybe it was possible.

Just unlikely.

T’oast swore to himself as he realised he had left the tea in the water too long. It tasted bitter now.

 

***

”How should I— Do I hold it?,” G’yozah asked, nervous to touch the valuable relic still resting in the now open glass case.

”I think that’s easier, yes. Just hold it carefully, even with both hands.”

G’yozah nodded, and took a deep breath, just staring at the intricately decorated, red crystal in front of him.

“And what do I do? I don’t know what I did before.”

“I— I don’t really know either. Any sources I have found talk about ‘channelling your own aether’, versus, from some other source, I would assume— there isn’t really anywhere that tells us _how_ it was done. Maybe it was just— common knowledge.”

G’yozah felt X’rhun step up behind him, a warm hand settling on his back as he leaned in to look over G’yozah’s shoulder. He instinctively leaned into the touch, absorbing the comforting feeling like a sponge.

“How did you do it back with— back then?” X’rhun’s chin settled on his shoulder, as his arms closed around G’yozah. It made the skin on his neck tingle, where X’rhun’s hair tickled it, and he smiled.

“We just— We held it together and concentrated, It was never me, and I’m sure he knew that even if I didn’t, but that seemed to work for him. Concentrating and — trying to focus on whatever energies you can find inside you, and guiding those to the medium through your hands.” X’rhun’s arms loosened around him, only to grab hold of both of his hands, squeezing them gently. Then he felt a soft kiss on his neck.

“If you continue like that I will definitely not be able to concentrate,” G’yozah pointed out, while leaning a little more of his weight on the just slightly taller man.

“You don’t have to try now if you’re unsure, G’yozah, there’s plenty of time.” G’yozah pondered that for a moment, before squeezing X’rhun’s hands back.

“No, I want to try. This is important.” He let go of X’rhun’s hands and straightened up, stepping a little closer to the shelf. With a deep breath, he reached out and carefully, so carefully, lifted the crystal. It was heavy, much heavier than it looked, and the darksteel decorations didn’t seem nearly as fragile as they looked. It felt… _powerful_.

He let it rest in his hands, lying down. It seemed like it was supposed to hang on something, maybe even… float? As it was, it didn’t seem to lie particularly well in one’s hand. The metal was sharp and heavy, feeling like it could easily cut skin if held wrong.

But it was beautiful. G’yozah just stared at it, for what felt like several minutes. X’rhun had stepped a little to the side, and was watching him. He smiled again, and closed his eyes.

It felt a little silly, but he was dedicated. With the image of the crystal still in his mind, and the weight of it in his hands, he tried just, focusing hard on it— trying to push his thoughts out to it.

Of course, nothing happened. He wondered if maybe he should have looked into meditation or any other spiritual activities like that for some tips? That’s what it sounded like, this, _channelling energies_ thing.

Another try, he tried just, concentrating really hard on whatever he could find in himself but— what was there other than financial calculations and horny thoughts? And well, X’rhun. But he needed— he thought about the comfortable feeling when X’rhun had touched him just now, and the warmth inside him that had created. That was something to focus on, maybe that was energy?

Again he brought his concentration back to the crystal, trying to push all that to it, imagining it glowing. Again, nothing happened.

He sighed.

He tried again, and again, and again, and each time it felt like his eyes squeezed closer a little tighter, and his muscles became tenser, but no matter how much he concentrated, nothing happened.

Maybe it hadn’t been him after all? Or maybe it was just a one time thing? Maybe he really couldn’t do it? He couldn’t help X’rhun, he couldn’t make people finally understand and respect all his hard work. He couldn’t— It wasn’t him after all.

X’rhun’s hands closed around his wrists then, gentle and warm. “G’yozah, look at me,” he said, and he sounded so much closer than he’d been just now.

G’yozah opened his eyes, and they stung from how long they’d been squeezed shut and the bright light now re-entering them. But as they focused, he saw X’rhun right there in front of him, the crystal medium in G’yozah’s hands the only thing separating them. He was frowning, and for a moment G’yozah wondered if he’d already disappointed him. —Then his hands let go, only to travel up his arms, settling on his cheeks to cup his face.

“G’yozah,” he started, and G’yozah nodded, knuckles whitening from the tight and desperate grip he held on the crystal now.

Then X’rhun’s frown turned into a smile, and a thumb stroked G’yozah’s cheek softly.

“I love you,” he said.

G’yozah’s heart skipped a beat and a thousand thoughts went through his mind in an instant. He’d said it— G’yozah had admitted such feelings already, it had been sudden, early, but he’d known then, he’d known so strongly. But X’rhun— G’yozah of course had known but, not like this, this wasn’t like knowing the man liked him, was attracted to him, wanted to be with him, this was—

X’rhun leaned closer, enough to rest their foreheads together, and G’yozah closed his eyes again as the man’s words just a moment ago warmed up every ilm of his body, reaching all the way to the tip of his tail.

“I love you, G’yozah,” he repeated, and whatever small nooks and crannies of G’yozah’s mind and body had so far escaped the wave of emotion were swept away. Something between a sob and a laugh made it up his throat, and his lips were smiling so widely his cheeks ached. Warmth. Love.

And then X’rhun’s hands left his cheeks, trailing down along his arms and back to his hands again. The crystal! He was still holding it, but it felt— It felt warmer. X’rhun squeezed his hands gently, and G’yozah finally mumbled a response.

”I love you too. So, so much.”

Another gentle squeeze.

”G’yozah, open your eyes.”

And he did. And below him, in his hands, there was a distinct red glow, weak— but still there. A grin spread on G’yozah’s face and he looked back up right away.

”It’s glowing! It’s— Did I do that? No, it’s you isn’t it? It was you!”

X’rhun shook his head. ”No, that’s you. I had a theory, and, it looks like I was right. Nothing more than strong emotions affecting the aether within us and, maybe feeling them would make it easier to find. Can you feel anything?”

”You mean—,” G’yozah started, and then laughed softly. ”Other than wanting to kiss you non stop until tomorrow?” X’rhun smiled. ”It’s.. the crystal, it feels warm, and I can sorta… feel that in my arms too? It’s weird.”

”Concentrate on it again?,” X’rhun asked, and G’yozah nodded, closing his eyes again. There was definitely a warmth, and it was pulsating to the rhythm of his still quickened heartbeat, and— it was like it was joining in with any tingling and fluttering he’d felt, slowly gathering in his chest. He let himself feel that, and then thought of the crystal again.

It only took a few seconds, and then X’rhun called his name again. ”Gods,” he exclaimed, and G’yozah slowly opened his eyes, wondering what had happened. Did he make it stronger?

X’rhun’s face, still so close to his, was bathed in a red light, and his eyes were glowing in wonder as he stared downwards.

And only as G’yozah himself turned his gaze down did he realise, that he didn’t feel any weight in his hands anymore. The crystal was floating above his hands. It was barely by an ilm, and in the same position as before, but— It was floating.

He looked back up at X’rhun, a grin spreading on his face. ”I did it!,” he said excitedly, and X’rhun met his gaze. His eyes were full of wonder, of surprise and — maybe _hope_.

And then his hands let go of G’yozah’s only to reappear around his face, pulling him closer and kissing him almost desperately. G’yozah smiled into it, answering it with equal eagerness. Hands moved to his neck, circling it and pulling him close, and as he felt his mind slip, and gladly letting it, over to focusing on the feel of X’rhun’s lips on his and nothing else, he felt the crystal slowly settle back on his hands. He held onto it for every minute the kiss continued.

”We’ll show them,” he said, when X’rhun eventually pulled away. X’rhun nodded, and G’yozah noticed what looked like tears in his eyes.

A quick kiss, and then carefully detangling to place the crystal medium back in its storage. And then another, hands now free to lock around the man he loved, and pull them close enough for their bodies to meet, no crystal longer keeping them apart.

They would show everyone, eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and caring about my boy and X'rhun!! They will be okay. 
> 
> But, as you can see, we have a bigger plot at work here, and there will be more. Next will be another in-between piece, then maybe T'oast will finally get some action too. There will also be lots more of G'yozah and X'rhun so stay tuned. These two still have a lot to give in this universe ; u ;!
> 
> If you're reading this because you love X'rhun like me, please join this discord server to scream about him: https://discord.gg/ekEWQZ


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